Behold! The glory of Mexico! Home of the ever-wet, eternally hung to dry clothes, housing built from decaying, graffiti-ed brick, and thousands of Mexican's anxiously awaiting their next nap! Wait a minute. Real Mexico sucks. Its dirty, it smells bad, and there's always the vague possibility of rape waiting behind every corner. Hold on a second...
Behold! The glory of fake Mexico! Home of free drinks, housing built from cheap Mexican labor (to keep the cost down for wealthy American tourists), and thousands of Mexicans waiting to make a joke about tequila and/or sell you ugly trinkets. Fake Mexico rules. Its semi-clean, it smells like meat and booze, and there's always the possibility you might see a frat boy fall into an alcohol induced coma.
Other highlights:
- My illustrious and rather inebriated father's attempt at making a do-rag (how the hell do you spell that?) out of his napkin one night at dinner. He eventually gave up, tied the napkin around his neck, and play-acted a character he called "Tom the Gay Cowboy."
- Ziplining across the trees, despite the fact we were taken to the zipline place in some guy's shitty jeep and my mom thought we were going to get shivved the entire time.
- Parasailing. Up that high, I was really able to appreciate the serene and majestic beauty of all creation and the inner peace that comes from True Understanding. Also, I tried to spit on some jet skiiers but I kept fucking missing.
- The following exchange-- Dad, leafing through the resort catalog: "Oh, look, you can get married here." Mom, opening a beer at 11:00 am: "I've already been married. I never want to do it again."
- The day we swam with dolphins. It legitimately was a very, very cool experience. They were taught to sing and give kisses, and they even swam on their backs while tourists laid on their bellies. Our guide also told us they like to scratch and bite each other during what must be very rough sex. Just like you kinky bastards.
Well, that's all for now. I'm going to start posting much shorter blogs, because then I'll do it more often.
