Needless to say, I was very drunk last night. But this forces me to ask-- now that I've started the trend, do I need to pee on Paris and other big European (ha ha, "peein'") cities as well? In any case, I've marked my territory and should probably alert the Queen (royalty very rarely get drunk and urinate in the street-- something about it being "undignified," blah blah blah).
Speaking of royalty, today we toured the Parliament building. It is only open one month a year (um, this month), but it was an amazing display of Britain's history. They had 23-karat gold statues of ancient kings such as Richard I, who was all decked out in chain-mail armor and ready to murder him some savage non-Christian infidels. The history here is just so much more moving and grand than it is in America-- while we do have the killing non-Christians thing down pat, they also have thousand year old kings who fought in battles, while our national heros either have wooden teeth (George Washington), the gout (Benjamin Franklin), or push the populace a little further towards suicide (Kathy Griffin). Plus, the British have event after event and hero after hero for hundreds and hundreds of years. What did we do inbetween the Founding Fathers and FDR? True, William Howard Taft did get stuck in a bathtub, and that's pretty funny, but Henry the VIII decapitated six wives! That's simply super-neato. Anyways, to make my "speaking of royalty..." transition make sense, I'll stop meandering and get to the point. I never understood why England kept the royalty around, being as they have no real power and are essentially useless, like high school guidance counselers, those assholes who hands out towels for tips in bathrooms, or philosophy majors. The answer? Because it's really friggin' cool.
Other things:
They have different urinals here, and they kick ass. Much less splashback. Pictures will be posted as soon as I figure out how to do so.
In a thrilling duel betwixt two quarterbacks not good enough to play for the Detriot "Our City Makes Baby Jesus Cry" Lions (Charlie Batch and Joey Harrington, backups starting this game for Pittsburg and Miami, respectively), I'm going to go with Batch's Bitchin' Steelers. (Edit; when I wrote this last night, I for some reason thought Culpepper was missing the game as well, although there was nothing like that reported. I believe it had something to do with the it being two a.m. and me only having eight combined hours of sleep the two nights prior. Leave me alone).
The shower outside of my room, the only one I've found with more water options than "off" and "excruciatingly hot," apparently leaks through to the third floor and is taped off. So, what I do, as opposed to respecting the situation and obeying the rules, is plug the shower while I'm in there and bathe ankle deep in my own putrid filth. Then I towel off, unplug the drain, and scuttle off back to my room so I don't get caught. Also, this particular bathroom has a window looking directly into the shower, and a house across the way has a breathtaking view of my ample backside. The first day I closed the window, but now I leave it gaping open. These people pay a helluva lot of money to live here, and they deserve a free show.
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