I'm sure most of you are dying to know just exactly what London was like, so I'm giving you what you want. I would've posted this long ago, but my internet connection in London sucked and it wouldn't let me do it. Anyhoo, this first picture is the first beer I consumed in Europe. I purchased it approximately fifteen minutes after getting off the most horrendous flight in the entire world. It was warm, necessary, and completely delicious.
This second picture is how your narrator, an American male, looks in London. Beautiful, isn't it? Just plain beautiful. I'm not sure what did it to me-- perhaps its the fact that I'm so loud and boorish compared to the reserved, polite, and charmed-the-pants-off-me style of British men. Or maybe it had something to do with the copious amounts of alcohol consumed throughout my stay there.
Our third photo brings us to what is apparently an extremely popular "Celebritey" hangout. I waited outside this place for hours, excited about the possibility of rubbing elbows with my favorite celebrities, heroes like Lars "Durr!" Ulrich, Mel "There Won't Be Jews, Will There?" Gibson, and Robin "For the Love of Christ, Why Won't I Shut Up?" Williams. Oddly enough, I never saw a single movie star. Perhaps it's because they spelled the sign wrong. There was one guy who might've been Steve Guttenberg, but before I could ask for an autograph he peed on the side of the building and the police made him leave.
The different, and better, British urinals. Less splashback and no need to flush. Though, before you think the British are far more advanced than us, let me tell you that it did take me several tries to find a urinal devoid of pubic hairs to photograph. So Brits do share the inexplicable American problem of pubic shedding in restrooms. How does it happen? Whom does it happen to? Why is there so much of it? We may never know.
Finally, this last picture is just solid advice. I argue that it is just as relevent today, despite the fact that Churchill is dead and Hitler is kicking up his heels in Argentina (as conspiracy theorists have led me to believe).See? Now you don't even need to travel to the United Kingdom. I bet you already feel like you've been there.
More posts coming later today to make up for my extended absence. The next will cover the serious debates over abortion and gay marriage, and why I think everyone should do both as much as possible.
No comments:
Post a Comment