Four Quotes and a Discussion Point

Here's the world's greatest airbrushed painting, as promised. In case you forgot and are too lazy to scroll down (how are you even alive?), it was found in a bar called the Grasshopper in Amsterdam. On with the rest of the post!

1. "The President cares about the poor-- he made a lot of them." --Steven Colbert.
2. According the the Associated Press, in last week's game against the Washington Redskins, Peyton Manning was "bent over awkwardly twice in the first half, losing his helmet and once appearing hurt." Think someone over at AP has a passive-aggressive hatred for ol' Peyton?
3. "I can't help it but I'm a bit bummed out that George from Grey's Anatomy came out of his closet this week wearing all the colors of the rainbow." -- My sweet lil' mother.
4. "I took your profile picture from bullschmitz and saved it to the background on the computer at home, and it bothered everyone so much they eventually resorted to taping a piece of paper over the monitor when they didn't have another window pulled up--it was that frightening to them. Eventually, I was getting angry letters telling me to promptly change the background. It's funny; your picture has the same effect on my parents as I have on the opposite sex."-- My friend Hampton, who I once depantsed in front of the high school cheerleading squad and, on a separate occasion, whipped with a belt until he had scars (to be fair, he told me to. It's a long story).

Also, Hampton met Pauly Shore. How awesome is that? I would much rather meet a formerly famous and/or guilty pleasure celebrity than a quality one, and it's not just because I still watch "Son-in-Law" at least once a year. Think about it-- Sean Penn is talented but he'd be a huge dick, Tom Hanks would leave me totally thunderstruck, and Natalie Portman would probably need to issue a restraining order. Plus, if I met someone like Jason Bateman and hated him it could retroactively ruin Arrested Development for me. Things would go much differently if I met some awesome quasi-celebs. Think about it. I run into Cary Elwes buying panty hose for his next film and he acts like a dick-- I just shout "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" and "the Princess Bride" quotes at him until he runs away crying. If I met Minnie Driver outside a gas station I would just stay calm and firmly say "no" when she asks me for money, and if I met Rick Moranis... well, I'd have met Rick Moranis. I could die happily. Not that any of you read this far in the post, care, or will respond, but at least think about what bad celebrities you want to meet. My number one is Steve Guttenberg.

Finally, if you're bored (and, since you're reading this, I'm sure you are), click on this link and read about how cool Beck is: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/12072882/beck_brings_his_goofy_roadshow_to_nyc